I’m in a season of loss.
I’m being forced to let go of people, dreams, and projects that simply aren’t going to make it one step further.
And my heart is broken.
The universe is in a bit of a cleansing time that started with the full moon there on the first of March, some of you may be going through something similar with your work and your relationships. Expect it to continue on until about the 20th of this month. But even seeing it in the astrology, doesn’t make it any easier to face.Those of you who’ve followed me for any length of time know that relationships are everything to me, I’m a Libra, but I have learned the hard way not to compromise myself, not to put the needs of another person over my own needs and this, more often than you could imagine, ends my relationships.
Relationships are so complicated though, you’re talking about people with different backgrounds, different faiths, different sexual affinities, different cultures… and we want harmony, we want happiness. We want the other person to make us feel good and when that stops, that’s often when the relationship stops.
We would never want to keep someone in relationship with us though who truly shouldn’t be there. And sometimes our choices do make it too difficult for someone else to walk beside us. In those times, it’s all we can do to walk away with love and respect and trust that the universe somehow rights itself again in some way.
I am a woman of deep faith and that faith complicates all my relationships. I tend to be very honest with people about that because I know myself well and I will not compromise my integrity or my faith to make you feel better. I simply cannot do it. But when a person tells me that my faith is too hard for them and they no longer have the heart to be my friend… I imagine it feels much like people who are dismissed for their sexual identity or preferences. My faith is as much a part of who I am, as is my blue eyes. It is not a choice. I’m not changing it for you. I’m not here to make you feel more comfortable and I will not lessen my life for you.
I am guarded in relationships, I own that, but not unfairly so. I will give you a chance, probably too many chances, but at some point, that door closes and when it does, for me, it won’t re-open. When you burn a bridge with me, I’ve learned to let those bridges stay burned. So losing a person from my life is permanent and always difficult, even when it’s necessary, but some relationships hurt deeper than others. Some betrayals… when you let someone in the deepest, and they tell you your faith is too much for them to even be your friend anymore… I can’t breathe for it right now.
Yet, life continues, I have work to do, deadlines to meet, promises to keep. I have to find it in me to keep going. I have to find it in me to heal. I have to find it in me to let go. I have to find it in me to stop being angry. Betrayal sucks. But I also know there are far worse things going on in the world today, so I need to pull myself together, and get back to my life.
With one less person in it.
And somehow, that needs to be okay.