5 Years Later… A Reflection

If you saw the second stream yesterday, the one after the movie, I shared a little bit of why the anniversary of moving to Florida is so special to me and why I celebrate. I’m not celebrating a change of location. I’m celebrating the start of a life that I’d dreamed of since I was a child. I’m celebrating every hard-won battle, every moment of fear I overcame, every crisis I handled, every time my heart was broken and every time my soul was betrayed and every time I didn’t give up.That’s what March 21st represents to me. It represents a girl growing up, taking her destiny into her own hands, sacrificing and going through all the hard crap to build a life I LOVE.

That’s what March 21st represents to me. It represents a girl growing up, taking her destiny into her own hands, sacrificing and going through all the hard crap to build a life I LOVE.

The past five years, and really I’d go back as far as ten when I made the very hard decision to end my marriage, has transformed me in every way imaginable. I’ve gone from the darkest times of my life to being at Disney World every single day for six months! I’ve gone from abusive relationships that tore my heart apart, to amazing relationships with people who are truly there for me. This journey was the hardest, darkest journey I ever want to imagine, but on March 21st, I celebrate still being here. I celebrate faith and God and my angel guides who are with me every day and put up with all my arguing and eye rolls. 🙂

This life is amazing, beyond anything I ever knew possible and even though I feel like I’ve arrived at the destination my life was always headed for, there is still much work to be done. I guess in a way I feel like I’m shifting from a “getting to the promised land” mindset to a “lets set up camp and build something” mindset.

 

Last night I actually cried for the loss of a life, the only life I’d really ever known, this life of trying to get to Disney as it were. Since I was five, that’s all I wanted… to live at Disney. To have my life BE Disney.

I’m here.

I’m here every day. My bills are still a mess, but I’ll keep working on that. But that aside, I have accomplished the biggest dream of my life and I feel so strange… please don’t take that the wrong way, I am in NO way complaining. I am in NO way saying I don’t want what I have! I’m saying I need to say goodbye to the thing I’ve known all my life… the traveling, the struggle, as it were to get to this life because I have done it.

And while there is absolute celebration in the destination, there is goodbye to the journey, the journey I’ve loved, hated, cherished, tried to quit repeatedly. lol

Seriously, though, there is a sense of loss almost that I wasn’t expecting.

I need to take some time to really understand that.

What I learned the last time I came close to a moment like this, is to not let anything take it from you. From here I continue to grow the ohana and the streaming. I lose weight. I travel. I redefine adventure for myself. I get a real home, I find financial stability. I create new stories. And maybe I even find great romantic love at some point. So there is LOTS to do, but I can see that I have to be very careful to realize I am not trying to “get” anywhere now, I’m simply to “be“.

What I learned is that I don’t have to leave the destination to continue to journey. I have to root myself in this new reality, find new ways to celebrate celebration days and build on THIS, not build something new.

That’s exciting.

There are so many amazing opportunities in front of me, I just have to learn how to handle it, where my boundaries are. I have to figure out this new me and my limitations, so that I can excel in the places I’m strongest, while being aware of the thing that may trip me up.

It’s been a long journey but the most powerful part, is in how I’ve come to know myself and trust myself, and how I’ve come to know God and trust God.

Next up is my birthday and the end of the 365, six months from now.

I wonder how much we’ll have built by then.

Peace and many blessings to all who read this. Knowing yourself and following your dreams is the most powerful (and hardest) path you’ll ever find. I wish you truth and wisdom for the journey.

 

 

Author, Mystic, Disney Enthusiast, Dream Follower Extraordinaire.

Samantha aspires to bring joy and light to the world, one book, magazine, blog or live stream at a time. She’s a woman of deep faith, a twin flame, and has just completed one full year of Disney fun by going to Walt Disney World every single day from Sep23, 2016 to Sep 22, 2017 and now she writes about how taking leaps of faith and following crazy dreams can change your life.